Recess: School's Out/transcript
Miss Finster: My ice cream! Stop it! Stop it, I say! You little monsters are in trouble now! Just wait 'till Principal Prickly hears about this! :Principal Prickly: (over speaker) Attention, students, this is Principal Prickly talking. :Miss Finster: but surprised That was fast. :Principal Prickly: Some of you may have noticed ice cream on the playground. I want you to know that I will not stand for this. This ice cream should be eaten immediately! :Miss Finster: shocked Huh? :(The kids shrug, and go back to enjoying themselves.) :Principal Prickly: In addition, I want you to all ignore Miss Finster, no matter what she says, about ice cream or anything else! :kids cheer. :Miss Finster: stunned This can't be happening... :Principal Prickly: Furthermore, I want to inform you all that I have a fat, saggy butt, which I like to scratch every hour on the hour. :kids burst out laughing, and the camera zooms behind the school, revealing that Gretchen and T.J. have hijacked the speakers, while T.J. is saying everything with Prickly's voice. :T.J.: Also, I want to apologize to all of you, for being such a mean principal, taking away hall passes, giving guys recess detention, refusing to accept sick notes, just because it doesn't look like a guy's mom's signature! Making kids stand at the wall for 10 whole minutes! With no break! Man, I feel ashamed of myself for all the terrible, rotten things I've done! And next year, I promise to-- :pauses as a magnificent shadow looms over him. It is revealed to be a furious Principal Prickly. :T.J.: nervously Why, Principal Prickly, sir! What a surprise! ---- :has just arrived to pick up Vince from baseball camp. :Vince: T.J., what are you doing here? :TJ: You've got to come back to town. It's an emergency. :Vince: What? I can't just leave. :TJ: Look, something weird is going on at the school. Principal Prickly is dematerialized! :Vince: Dematerialized? T.J., you're crazy! :TJ: up Principal Prickly's burnt golf shoes. Am I? ---- :Benedict: at T.J.'s walkie-talkie A confiscated walkie-talkie. Why do you do these things to me, Pete? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me? :Prickly: I don't hate you, Phil. I just think you’re insane! :Benedict: sarcastically Insane. Well, there you go again, Pete. Insulting me, hurting my feelings, just like 30 years ago, only this time, Petey, I'm ready. out Principal Prickly's office window You see, all those years, no matter how big I got, no matter how successful... I always thought about you. shouting HOW YOU EMBARRASSED ME! HOW YOU HUMILIATED ME! HOW YOU DESTROYED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MURIEL FINSTER, THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER LOVED! :TJ: That part still grosses me out, sir. :Prickly: Shh! :Benedict: But this time, Pete, I'm going to humiliate you! This time I'm going to prove to the world that you were wrong and I'' was right! :'Prickly': About what? :'Benedict': About ''RECESS! About freedom! About test scores! I found a way to prove my theory. I'm going to get rid of the biggest recess of them all! I am going to get rid...of summer vacation! :TJ: You fiend! :Benedict: "Fiend". Yeah, you try to help people, that's the thanks you've had. :Prickly: It'll never work, Phil. :Benedict: Well, actually, Pete, that's where you're wrong. a button on a remote and a holographic globe and moon rise up from the floor You see, all I have to do is modify the moon's orbit ever so slightly... and tide levels on the Eastern Seaboard rise eight feet! Move the moon over here, and the currents that warm California suddenly become ice cold! Summer, as we know it, will become a thing of the past. And without summer... globe diagram grows icicles. TJ and Prickly gasp in horror. ...no summer vacation. :TJ: You'll never get away with this, Benedict! :Benedict: Oh, ya? Well, who's gonna stop me? ---- :locks TJ and Principal Prickly in a birdcage to keep them from interfering with Benedict's plans to destroy summer vacation. :TJ: Help! Help! Somebody get us out of here! :Prickly: Calm down, Detweiler. I got the... :TJ: Calm down?! We're locked in a giant birdcage while a madman is out there trying to destroy summer vacation, and you want me to calm down?! :Prickly: I understand. But I... :TJ: How can YOU understand?! You're just a grownup! What do YOU know about summer vacation?! :Prickly: and puts his hands akimbo I'll let you in on a little secret, Detweiler. Every adult you've ever known was a kid at sometime in their life. You think we don't remember summer vacation? Riding bikes down by the creek, catching polliwogs in a jar, camping out under the stars? Well, you're wrong! pause Some days, I sit there in my office, looking out at you kids in the playground and I think, "They don't know how good they got it. In a few years, they're all going to be grown-ups like me and all those good times will be memories for them, too". So go ahead. Put a whoopie-cushion in my chair. Cover my carpet with fake vomit. Make fun of my "big, saggy butt". But don't you ever say I don't care about summer vacation, because those memories are the last part of childhood I've got left. ---- :[Principal Prickly and TJ are dressed as guards.] :Principal Prickly: You sure this is going to work, Detweiller? :TJ: Come on, Principal Prickly. Don't you watch old spy movies? This trick is pure gold. :[They walk up two guards.] :T.J.: voice Uh, Dr. Benedict wanted to speak to us about a very important matter. :Guard #1: recognizes them Hey, you two aren't guards! :T.J.: voice; to Prickly Run! :and Prickly take off down the hall with the guards in pursuit. ---- :King Bob: I, King Bob, as my last official act before entering middle school, hereby anoint this boy here King Freddie the second. :[He takes off his hat, places it on Freddie's head, and stamps the letter ''"F" on the hat.] :'King Bob': ''King Freddie May you boss around all of the kids with fairness. :Jerome: The king has graduated! Long live the king! :[Everyone cheering at King Bob’s Graduation Ceremony, as the Safety Rangers played “Hail to the Chief” with their kazoos.] :Captain Brad: at the Safety Rangers Elbow up! Eyes forward! You call that kazoo playing?! :Ashley B.: Ah, ceremony... :Ashley Q.: I’m, like, moved, Ashley A. :Ashley A.: Say what you want about their personal lives, Ashley Q. The royals have such style... ---- :is interrogating TJ and Principal Prickly in the dungeon. :Benedict: Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children. :T.J.: [Surprised, to Prickly] You? :Benedict: But unfortunately, I can't let anybody go right now. You see this experimental night school that I'm running is kind of a secret. I'm trying to show that my... adult students can be trained to be capable and productive members of society. :T.J.: Oh yeah?! Well, if you're just running a night school, then what's that giant laser gun doing in the auditorium?! :the bald guy ordered T.J. to sit down by pushing down his laps. :Benedict: What a rude and badly dressed little boy you are. to Prickly You know you should teach your pupils a little respect for their superiors, Pete. But that would mean that you'd have to know how to teach them anything at ALL wouldn't it? ---- :T.J.: back to the house, after discovering what is going on in the school MOM! MOM! runs into the sliding glass door. :Mrs. Detweiler: TJ! Are you all right? :T.J.: Mom! There's guys at the school! They're doing some kind of evil experiment! :Mrs. Detweiler: Oh, dear. That bonk on the head must have rattled your little brain. :T.J.: But, Mom...! :Mrs. Detweiler: his head You're feverish! You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the petroleum jelly. :T.J.: Dad... Dad, dad! Dad! runs to the garage, where his father is fixing the car. :Mr. Detweiler: What is it, boy? :T.J.: Those evil bad guys have got a laser beam, and they're lifting the safe-- :Mr. Detweiler: out from under the car T.J., did you run into the sliding glass door again? :T.J.: No, but--yeah, but-- frustrated GRRR! off :Mr. Detweiler: Come back! Your mom’s gonna want to take your temperature! ---- :Cop 1: So you're saying you just escaped from a troop of ninja warriors? :Vince: That's right! :Cop 2: And they got a giant laser gun in the school's auditorium? :Gretchen: Precisely! :Cop 1: Which is aimed at the moon? :Mikey: Thank heavens you understand! :two cops burst out laughing. ---- :T.J.: Principal Prickly? :Principal Prickly: Huh? Oh, it's you, Detweiler. I was just cleaning up this mess Phillium left. Guy always was a packrat. Look at this. Norwegian weather map. From 1956! :T.J.: Listen, sir. I never really got a chance to thank you for all the stuff you did. Quitting your golf game, telling Benedict to let me go, helping me save the world and junk. :Principal Prickly: Actually, Detweiler, I'm the one who should be thanking you. :T.J.: Huh? :Principal Prickly: You did me a big favor by dragging me into this mess. See, I didn't get into teaching for the promotions, or the pension plans, or so I could get to the golf course by 3:45. I did it because I wanted to help you kids. I'd forgotten that... until today. :is a knock at the window; T.J.'s friends are waiting outside. :Vince: Come on, T.J.! :Spinelli: The pond awaits! :T.J.: I'll be there in a second! :Principal Prickly: Hey, it's a gorgeous summer day and your pals are waiting. Go have some fun while you can, T.J. :T.J.: You got it, Pete. :Principal Prickly: after T.J. And don't forget! Come September, you're mine! I haven't forgotten that saggy butt comment! :T.J.: Hey, September is a long way off! Category:Transcripts